U-Turns and Revelations

Today was much better than the last few I've experienced. I talked to my mom yesterday and she said something. She said that when you meet the right person, you'll just kind of know there is something there right away. I didn't believe her at the time, but later that I night I was chatting with my brother and sister-in-law about how they met, and it was just like how my mom had said. I slept okay and woke up this morning. Church was good and lifted my spirits quite a bit. I came home and started thinking. I thought that what they were talking about just didn't happen to me. Then I remembered something. My old girlfriend from back in high school, Kerri, had been like that. The first time I talked to her, I liked her and I couldn't stop. When we finally did start dating, it was amazing.

I don't have any regrets in that relationship. I was bitter for a long time when it ended, but with time I've gotten over everything. I've realized something very important about myself though, and Kerri. My first year home from my mission I didn't date a lot, because I was looking for someone like Kerri. I'm not saying I was trying to find her clone or anything, but someone with the same characteristics. I never did find anyone that first year, and I think I lost track of what I was looking for after that.

All the other girls I've dated haven't had that spark at the beginning. I've become friends with them and then developed feelings for them over time. It was never like an instant flame that just kindled when we first met, and none of them have had those same characteristics and qualities that Kerri had. I realized that I've just lost what I'm looking for. Ever since I've had this revelation, I haven't been bothered about this past week again. I wouldn't say I'm completely myself again yet, but there's no more pain, anger, any of that.

Actually, I'm trying to find someone that I could ask on a practice date that would help me get back into the arena of sorts. Brock wants to ask a girl on a date in a few weeks, and wanted me to double with him. At first, I told him I didn't feel ready to date again yet, but I think I can do it now. I'm also going to be a lot more open to letting people set me up with someone they know. I figure I haven't done a very good job of finding someone myself, maybe they'll do better.

It is strange though. I don't think I've ever gotten to this point after a breakup so fast before. I have some good experiences and memories with Mandy, but I've let it all go and I'm moving on. Honestly, I feel like I was basically toyed with for the last 6 months, if not the last year. She had to have had those feelings about Chance the whole time we were dating, yet she continued to let me believe that I was her true love.

Either way, I'm preparing myself to get back into things, and I'm going to come out swinging.
Today's theme song: The Middle ~ Jimmy Eat World